At the crack of dawn

For a 1000 flight, I’ll need to be at the airport checked in at 0900, minus an hour of travel from home to airport puts me back at 0800, getting brushed up and breakfast tacks on another hour; 0700, for a comfortable buffer time (last minute packing, slowed reaction time from emotions and lethargy) take another hour off; 0600 for wake up time. Awesome, all my bags are packed, I’m ready to go. How many hours of sleep did I actually get? Probably an hour if I am being generous. Fast forward to breakfast. Probably, one of the longest meal I have ever had thus far. What was 30 minutes, seemed like hours of talking, picture taking, sense of not being able to let go. Everything around me, suddenly became extremely valuable. The once, nagging annoying strong mother, all of a sudden was this poor little frail jitterbug taking pictures, talking a lot, trying so hard to keep herself occupied, fighting the thought of not seeing me for another long/er period of time. “Did you pack this? Do you need this? Are you sure your luggage isn’t too heavy? Oh! Pack the Nutella in your backpack, saves weight in the luggage. Did you want more frozen foods? How about the chicken? Oh, you almost forgot the chicken. Goodness, why are you so forgetful?” Because Lordly lord, will I ever lose my shit if I didn’t have the frozen chicken breast. I’m sure I’ll be fine. All the chatter, questions that was once viewed as unnecessary nagging, has become this comforting feeling that my mom loves and cares about me a lot. Why hadn’t I seen this before? What an ass I was, for not reminding myself of that all the time. What an ass. “Smile!” As my parents try and squeeze the whole family together for a picture for the memories. I used to hate family pictures, but this one, I think I’ll want. No, I’ll need it.

Next? Last second goodbyes, hugs, starting of the car, and my parents looking from the living room window, savouring the sight of my brother and I as we drive off to the airport. I was right, that ride did take an hour. For the truck on the highway snow screening everyone else, I thank you. I guess they can’t really brush off the snow like we do on cars in the morning. Papa, mama, I love you and thank you for not making leaving harder than it already was.

Terminal 1. Unload. Hug. “Take care, love you man” I thought, as I hug my brother, without saying a word. The feeling was mutual.

“Good morning sir, where are you headed this morning?” Fort Albany. 100 bucks says you wouldn’t know where that is. “I’m sorry? Where?” I replied, “Do you know where Moose Factory is?” “No.” “How about Timmins?” “Yes.” “An hour and a half north of that” “Ooohhh…” Come on, lets get this over with. “ID please, and how many checked baggage?” I heave the precisely weighted luggage at home for a maximum weight of 44lbs. And the machine reads…44lbs. Awesome, just one more Transit Security left, and I’ll be in Timmins in no time.

“Boarding pass please. Do you have any liquids, gels, or flammable items in your bag sir?” Yes, I’ll have a a butt load of weapons, with a miniaturized rocket launcher that can take down an airbus flying at 100,00 feet to go please. Oh wait, that was a question. “No sir, I do not” “Step over please” Good, no beep.

“Sir I’m afraid you have liquids in your bag” Shit. “I may have eye drops?” “Please step aside as I search your bag” As he swabs my bag, I chuckle to myself as I wonder if It’ll be hilarious to check for MRSA, I’m sure the lab would have a field day. For the non nurses, its everywhere, not to worry, a healthy body constantly keeps it in check, so they are harmless, until your immune system’s defense network is taken down. “Sir, I will have to check your bag” Do what you were trained to do man, take your time, that’s what the one hour safety net was for anyways. As he rifles through my bag with a glove, he pulls out the 2 tubs of Nutella. Oh Come on! “Sir, you are allowed only 100mls of liquid in your carry on. Would you like to go back and check this in your lugguage or throw it away?” I look at the magnetic snake of people just outside the security screen. Where the hell did they come from? There was no one in sight, a while ago. Eff this. “I guess I don’t really have a choice, I’ll throw it away” There goes 3kgs of brand spank’in new Nutella. Another luxury up down south I would definitely miss. Moral of the story guys, Nutella, check it in your luggage.

As I walk in my Sorels with my oversized jacket, 4 layers of pants, and 5 layers of clothes, I arrive at the allotted gate. As I sit here, typing away, this feeling of not wanting to go is really really making a comfortable nest in my head. All this feeling of not wanting to leave home, where friends and family all are…I wonder if it would ever get easier. When will the novelty end? Should it ever end? When it does, what does that mean? At what point should I stop travelling and start worrying about my relationship with close family and friends?

I take it all back

Meeting up with old friends are great. Until you have to part with them again.. Today was one of those days, meeting up with 6 new friends that I haven’t seen for at least three to 17 months. Shock, would be the word I will use to describe my feelings. Meeting one friend at the bus station was enough of a sucker punch to the emotional equilibrium centre of my brain. When I saw Linds at the station, I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was so much going on in my head, that all I said, was ‘yep, yep yep’ (Like an effing parrot!)  I was so flabbergasted, I didn’t even hear what she was saying. All I remember was a hug, and trying to find words to say to her. So, what did I manage to do? I just smiled. So you could imagine, seeing the rest of the crew was just a gong show for my rice-grained cerebral cortex.

Meeting up with everyone was nothing short of a blast. Laughs were had, but its different now. The disconnect with friends was blatantly staring in my face. The inside jokes, popular songs, news, gossip, status on everyone’s lives, are no longer at the tip of my tongue. I cannot just carry on from where we left off (BUT, if you have a few friends whom you can still do that with ease, make sure you make an effort to keep in touch, those are friends are keepers). I often find myself questioning the origin of the inside joke (which…cmon, kills it for everyone). NEVER question an inside joke, or a past event in a group social situation. It is just poor social etiquette.

As the night was closing in, I felt a wave of sadness over me. On the bus ride home, it left me pondering, if this career path is worth this. Is it? If 3 months was hard, what is the next visit going to bring? At what point of playing catch-up with friends will it get old and tiresome? What will be the one constant that will be something to look forward to when I come back? How long is too long for a work term out in the bush? All these questions, made me realize, that face to face interactions with friends is the pinnacle of all human interactions. The notion of just ‘catching up’ with no other ulterior motive is so pure and golden, that it is sometimes deemed as wasting time. Think about it, someone else, is using their time in their lives with you, however brief it is, in which they could be doing something else. Sounds stupid and naive, yet it was the one thing that I took for granted when I was in the city. So to my friends, I thank you for allotting time specifically to catch up with me, and to the random strangers I walk past on the street, I thank you for sharing the sidewalk with me.

(I would post pictures, but they're not mine, and I haven't had the permission of my friends. But they're a good look'in bunch)

Missing Home?

As I sit in my living room, stuffed with home cooked food, slumped on the couch, watching the high definition TV, texting, having conversations about girls, etc, I realized something. I really did not miss this all that much. All this plush is so unnecessary, yet we dive, indulge and make ourselves numb to it. One of the things I learned living in FA was that, you do not need much to live a healthy and happy life. All I think you need is: healthy food, a roof, and good company. So ideally, it would mean living out in the bush in a nice cozy cabin on fertile land to grow food with a life buddy. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the technology and reading everyone’s mistakes from all over the world plastered on the paper. But, all the chatter, noise and distractions in the city, ignites a small desire to head back to FA..